I think sex is represented as a separate entity in our society and there’s too much emphasis on the mechanics of it. Talk shows discuss low libidos and the inability of women to have orgasms. Viagra is a multi-billion dollar industry and they are pushing to find the female equivalent to it next. Except once they find it, they state they will have to name a disease to attach to it. There is no disease!
I believe we need to have an honest conversation about the potential joys of sex and embracing our sexual energy. I have witnessed too many friend’s marriages that meet in the same exact place. Men complain about the lack of sex with their wives and the women avoid it like it’s a chore. Men friends have actually complained to me about this and label it their wives “problem”. This lack of connection is the real culprit and we need the ability to discuss it openly without shame and guilt.
Our fast paced society doesn’t support deep connections. Sex can be wonderful when we learn how to connect to ourselves, our mind/body/spirit, and then to each other without expectations. Deepak Chopra does a nice job discussing the real issues behind sexual energy and drive below.
On the occasion of the Sony e-book release of my book, Kama Sutra I would like to share the following insights on sex and spirituality:
- Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. All things that are alive come from sexual energy. In animals and other life forms, sexual energy expresses itself as biological creativity. In humans, sexual energy can be creative at all levels — physical, emotional and spiritual. In any situation — where we feel attraction, arousal, awakening, alertness, passion, interest, inspiration, excitement, creativity, enthusiasm — in each of these situations, sexual energy is at work. Whenever we feel these states of awareness, we must put our attention on the energy that we are experiencing, nourishing it with our attention, experiencing it with joy and keeping it alive in our awareness.
- Sexual desire is sacred and chaste. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly and unchaste.
- During sexual union, there is union between flesh and spirit.
- Bliss, carefreeness and playfulness are the essence of sex.
- To improve your sexual experiences, get rid of your expectations.
Expectations are primarily in three areas: 1) Performance, exemplified in the question, “How am I doing?” 2) Feeling, exemplified in the question, “How am I feeling?” 3) Security, exemplified in the question, “Do you love me?”
- In sex, as in all areas of life, resistance is born of fear. All resistance is mental. It implies judgment against what is being felt. Sex becomes a problem when it gets mixed with hidden emotions such as shame, guilt and anger.
- Sexual intimacy is the road to the taste or experience of true freedom, because it is the one area of life in which we can become completely uninhibited and free.
- Sexual fulfillment occurs when the experience comes from playfulness instead of need. Frequently people bring their conflicts and needs into the sexual experience. When sex is used to fulfill needs, it leads to addiction. When sex comes from playfulness, the result is ecstasy.
- All problems related to sex, neurosis, deviancy, sexual misbehavior, violence, abuse, can be traced to resistance, suppression and repression — not to the sexual urges themselves. If we are allowed to discover our urges, desires and emotions, without outside inhibition, they won’t go to extremes. Extremism, in any form, is a reaction to repression, inhibition and suppression. Aggression and violence are the shadow energies of fear and impotence.
- Sex is a means of escaping our little self or ego. It is many peoples’ only experience of meditation.
- Meaningful sex has to be value based. Values are personal. Each situation that has sexual energy in it, involves the whole human being and their entire value system. My values may be different from yours, and I have no right to be the moral judge of anyone’s values. It is important, however, to have core values, and respect them. Without values, we become spiritually bankrupt. Sexual experience will never cause problems and will always be joyful, if lovers share the same values.
- True intimacy is union between flesh and flesh, between subtle body and subtle body, between soul and soul. Sexual energy is sacred energy. When we have restored the sexual experience to the realm of the sacred, our world will be chaste and divine, holy and healed.